I'm tired...of...

Hello friendlies!

I wanted to start this post with a small warning. Do you see what time it is? Yep 7:30...A.M.!! I don't do A.M....so this probably will end up with some small incoherent ramblings. And for my grammar and spelling buddies who are like me and often mentally correct people's grammar when they speak, well this post very well could end up like nails on a chalkboard for you. I want to apologize up front. :)

I have been trying to figure out why I am so tired, (And no, I'm not pregnant...okay?) and these theories are all I can come up with:


1) Exhausted from all of the really deep and informational posting I did last month. (HA!)

2) Exhausted from the funny joke I just came up with for number 1. (At 7:30 a.m.)

3) Exhausted from being home alone with 8 kids while my hubby got to fly back to Kentucky for a funeral without me. (Yes, I know it is not a REAL vacation, but come on...flight (alone), family "reunion", and lots of food. Sounds like a vacation to me.)

4) Exhausted from financial craziness that is our life right now. (We no longer have a credit report, it is more like a credit rap sheet.)

5) Exhausted from carrying around this hundred pound tumor. (Okay, so maybe it is not so much a tumor as it is 15 years worth of Diet Coke, Paradise Bakery, and an aversion to vegetables and excercise.)

6) Exhausted from trying to be all things to all people. (I know, I have a lot in common with Oprah. Except the rich, black, democrat thing.)

7) Exhausted from feeling like I am doing everything badly. (Oh yes I do...I have a $2000.00 dentist bill for ONE child alone that proves it...as well as having a housefull of mouthy children with muffin tops.)

8) Exhausted from worrying about whether or not Jon and Kate are toying with us for ratings, or if they really will return to the air in the fall as: "Jon plus 4, and Kate plus 4."

9) Exhausted from wondering if that cockroach that I keep seeing in my garage is forming a secret society with other cockroaches and is planning to invade the laundry room. I just don't have near enough money in the budget for bug spray. (I suppose since a nuclear holocaust won't kill them, I should just save the moolah.) :(

10) Exhausted from a wedding and sweet sixteen party that I catered desserts for a week and a half ago. (Dude, it has been a long time since I "worked" 88 hours in a month, let alone in 8 days!)

11) Exhausted from trying to save the planet with all of my "green" living. (Okay, so I only stopped doing laundry because I was tired, not because I was conserving anything. But it so totally counts. Yay, eco-me.)

12) Exhausted from getting up early this week to take my girls to VBS. (Who decided that VBS needed to start in the a.m.? Really...because I thought we were OUT of school. Next time, just a suggestion, but can't we do like NIGHT VBS? That way I can at least catch a flick with a friend or go on a date with my husband. Haven't they heard of "ME church?")

13) Exhausted from thinking about how hard I will have to work to get rid of this 100 pound Paradise Bakery tumor.

14) Exhausted from my last effort 4 weeks ago to "Melt it Off with Mitch Gaylord." (Hee Hee, she said "Gay.") Why can't they just make a real excercise video, like:

"Try to melt it off with Fat People who WILL fall off of the excercise ball EVERY time."

or "Not so slim in less than 6." (Because really, I don't have to have the "after" photo. Some of those "before" bodies are good enough for me.)

(And you really aren't fooling me with those fake testimonials. I just wanted the 2lb "G" Ball. Really. I collect balls.) Hee Hee...she said "balls."

15) Exhausted from thinking about how many people are judging me right now since my inner twelve year old boy just escaped TWICE on number 14.

16) Exhausted from feeling guilt for not reading my Bible in a really long time. I mean, I thought about it, and it is the thought that counts, right? (I don't think that St. Peter is gonna buy that one at the Pearly Gates.)

17) Exhausted from my trip to Costco yesterday where I spent $130.00 on toilet paper, wipees, and paper towels. Oh, and a strawberry. Okay, and maybe a box of ice cream sandwiches.

18) Exhausted from resisting the urge to sample the Dog food they were demonstrating at Costco. (Not even joking..dog food!!) Oh, and the other urge...you know the one that makes you want to buy 96 batteries or a huge pack of Sharpies. (It really hurts to be broke!)

19) Exhausted from all of the mail I had to open yesterday. Who decided that you needed to send the Maid and the Butler their very own copies of each and every bill? Do you know how many trees you just wasted? (See, there goes that concern for the environment again.)

And finally,

20) Exhausted from worrying about where my favorite black capri pants went. How does a pair of pants just disappear?

Butler? Did you not like them? Where, oh, where are they? Because I am so not clothes shopping at this weight. Not at least until Mitch helps me melt off just a little more.

Anyhoo, thanks for listening...if you all have any other ideas as to why I might be so tired all of the time, well, I'd be happy to hear them. I really can't figure it out.

Love,
The Too Pooped to Post, Maid

Can we say trailer trash?

I'm not one to judge...especially where one lives, but I'm pretty sure that we are headed for a tralier park.

These are just a few incidences which have me thinking so:

1)  Last week my hubby hollered (yep, hollered) out the back door..."Son, get that hose out of your pants!"

2)  My nursing infant sneezed, got a booger on me, and then proceeded to swallow it.   (I almost threw up.)

3)  My six year old daughter had to be told 10 times to pull her halter top up....her niblets were showing.  (I know, halter tops don't equal modesty...but we live heatsville...so we deal with it.)

4)  We had to get permission to attend my daughters school play...because her third grade sister had been suspended for beating up a fifth grade boy.  (Heart welling with pride.  Sigh.)

5)  My six month old son is naked more than he is clothed.

6)  My two and a half year old son constantly has his hand on his not-so-Oscar-Meyer weiner.  

7)  We take pictures of number 6.

8)  My 12 year old daughter is wearing maternity clothes.  

9)  Number 8 is because the shirts were a dollar at Wal Mart.  Now that is even scarier.   (By the way....it is cute on her and she doesn't know that it is maternity..so don't tell her!)

10)  My hubby uses the word..."quickie."

11)  My five year old daughter stole tic tacs from Safeway.  (Last night we were at a store and she asked for something and I said "you don't have any money."  Her reply:  "Mom, I know how to buy stuff without a dollar."  Pretty soon her daddy won't be the only one with a rap sheet.)

12)  Yes, my hubby has been arrested before.  Long story.  He did love community service though. 

13)  I get more excited about coupons than I do about number 10.

See?  I told you.  Get our double wide ready!  I am gonna be queen!

Love,

The Queen Maid.

Disclaimer:  No offense intended if you are a weenie grabber, a fifth grader who got whipped by a third grader, halter-top wearer, a criminal, a Wal Mart shopper, a pregnant 12 year old, or currently living in a double wide trailer.  :0)